Are you contributing to ‘maternal invisibility’? How to stop

Are You Contributing to ‘Maternal Invisibility’? How to Stop

Katherine’s journey into motherhood this past summer revealed a subtle but significant shift in how she was perceived. During prenatal visits and the moments of labor and delivery, strangers began touching her belly without seeking consent. Health providers referred to her as “mama” rather than by her name, a gesture that seemed to signal a shift in focus from her to the unborn child. Reflecting on these interactions, Katherine noticed how they began to overlook the person she had been: a devoted partner, a creative artist, and a fiercely loving sibling. “They were treating me like a vessel rather than an individual,” she said, describing the feeling of being sidelined.

A Common Experience for Many New Parents

Postpartum invisibility, as Katherine calls it, appears to be a widespread issue. Even after giving birth, many mothers report being pushed to the background. “You’re almost forgotten,” she noted, explaining how the emphasis on the baby often leaves parents feeling like secondary figures. Some have even openly stated, “It’s not about you anymore,” reducing mothers to mere carriers of their children’s joy. During visits, friends and family sometimes neglect to assist with essential tasks, too absorbed in admiring the newborn to acknowledge the mother’s needs.

“We’re no longer friends,” Cox said, recalling how a girlfriend criticized her for not being “enough” for her baby. The confrontation left Cox questioning her own value, highlighting how such interactions can erode a mother’s sense of self-worth.

Why Do These Patterns Happen?

Siobhán Alvarez-Borland, a postpartum doula in Atlanta, points to societal norms as a key factor. “People often overlook the emotional and physical toll on parents,” she explained, noting that the focus on the baby can unintentionally dismiss the mother’s contributions. This tendency is compounded by a lack of open dialogue about the experience. Mothers, she said, may hesitate to voice their concerns for fear of being judged, a common consequence of feeling undervalued.

Chelsey Cox, a mother of three, shared a similar experience. She posted a viral video on Instagram and TikTok last February titled “Do not offer to babysit,” expressing frustration over how people prioritized the baby over her needs. “They forget the parents—especially the mother,” she said, emphasizing the need for more intentional support. The phenomenon isn’t limited to personal interactions; it’s also evident online, where videos mock new parents for being overshadowed by their infants.

Breaking the Cycle of Invisibility

Experts like Dr. Caitlyn Collin argue that these behaviors stem from deeply rooted patriarchal values. “Sexist attitudes often devalue women after childbirth,” she stated, noting that such biases can be subtle or overt. Whether intentional or not, these actions contribute to a culture where mothers are expected to prioritize their children’s needs over their own. Yet, awareness can be a powerful tool. “Recognizing how we might be part of this pattern helps us become better allies,” Alvarez-Borland added, advocating for a shift in how society views postpartum care.

With renewed attention to these dynamics, individuals can foster a more inclusive environment for new parents. By actively listening and valuing the mother’s voice, we can ensure that the journey of parenthood feels shared, not solitary. As Katherine puts it, “The baby is adorable, but I’m the one who brought them into the world.”